"How Did I Miss Jake Morphing Into Jared Leto?
Homoerotic soft porn king Jake Gyllenhaal (Jarhead, Brokeback Mountain) was recently photographed on the set of The Prince of Persia looking vastly confused/perturbed. AND SHIRTLESS.Q: Why would Jake, an Oscar-nominated indie darling, schooled in the tradition of playing melancholy/mentally disturbed/or otherwise emotionally afflicted individuals who never smile and have a 50% chance of dying by the end of any one movie, sign on to a Jerry Bruckheimer-helmed blockbuster based on a video game and full of gratituous male half-nudity?
A: So the guy can't have LAYERS?! (See Bubble Boy.)
Q: What if the plot is too stupid?
A: Directly from IMDb, Jake will be playing, "an adventurous prince who teams up with a rival princess to stop an angry ruler from unleashing A SANDSTORM THAT COULD DESTROY THE WORLD." (Caps mine, to emphasize the ridiculousness of asking the above question.)
Q: What if Jake has to wax his chest?!!!
A: CLEARLY, as seen in the above photographs, Jake has retained his dusting of downy chestal hair. Our little man! All grown up!
And now that I have tackled these tough issues, I will address a few comments that I read on The Huffington Post:
Comment: I liked this guy a lot before I saw him without a shirt.
My response: No one would ever actually say this. Ever.
Comment: He is supposed to be Persian?? He must be one heck of an actor!! :)
My response: When you think about it, that doesn't even make sense.
Comment: [in response to above] Box Office - he's a name - duh.
My response: I don't mean this in a mean way, but Jake is not exactly an opening weekend kind of guy. In fact, he's never carried a blockbuster. In fact, he probably won't carry this one...but the SANDSTORM OF DOOM MIGHT.
Comment: WHERE are his NIPPLES??!!???
My response: N/A
Comment: Nothing against Jake, but he looks ridiculous. That greasy wig! He looks like a cheap gigolo.
My response: HAHAHAHAHA! That's hilarious. But seriously, shut up, bitch, that's totally his real hair". -by the sans pareil blogscribe Prophecy Girl.