WEIRDLAND: Morphing into Jared Leto?

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Morphing into Jared Leto?

"How Did I Miss Jake Morphing Into Jared Leto?

Homoerotic soft porn king Jake Gyllenhaal (Jarhead, Brokeback Mountain) was recently photographed on the set of The Prince of Persia looking vastly confused/perturbed. AND SHIRTLESS.Q: Why would Jake, an Oscar-nominated indie darling, schooled in the tradition of playing melancholy/mentally disturbed/or otherwise emotionally afflicted individuals who never smile and have a 50% chance of dying by the end of any one movie, sign on to a Jerry Bruckheimer-helmed blockbuster based on a video game and full of gratituous male half-nudity?

A: So the guy can't have LAYERS?! (See Bubble Boy.)

Q: What if the plot is too stupid?

A: Directly from IMDb, Jake will be playing, "an adventurous prince who teams up with a rival princess to stop an angry ruler from unleashing A SANDSTORM THAT COULD DESTROY THE WORLD." (Caps mine, to emphasize the ridiculousness of asking the above question.)

Q: What if Jake has to wax his chest?!!!

A: CLEARLY, as seen in the above photographs, Jake has retained his dusting of downy chestal hair. Our little man! All grown up!

And now that I have tackled these tough issues, I will address a few comments that I read on The Huffington Post:

Comment: I liked this guy a lot before I saw him without a shirt.

My response: No one would ever actually say this. Ever.

Comment: He is supposed to be Persian?? He must be one heck of an actor!! :)

My response: When you think about it, that doesn't even make sense.

Comment: [in response to above] Box Office - he's a name - duh.

My response: I don't mean this in a mean way, but Jake is not exactly an opening weekend kind of guy. In fact, he's never carried a blockbuster. In fact, he probably won't carry this one...but the SANDSTORM OF DOOM MIGHT.

Comment: WHERE are his NIPPLES??!!???

My response: N/A

Comment: Nothing against Jake, but he looks ridiculous. That greasy wig! He looks like a cheap gigolo.

My response: HAHAHAHAHA! That's hilarious. But seriously, shut up, bitch, that's totally his real hair". -by the sans pareil blogscribe Prophecy Girl.


Xenia said...

I wouldn't mind Jake morphing into Jared Leto, he's such a beautiful man and a good actor too. And he's been great as Jake's costar in Highway. They made a lovely couple.

And Thanks Kendra for the heads up to Becky's post. I missed so much her witty humor.

Hope you're doing fine. :)

Kendra said...

I'm doing ok, thank you very much for your concern, Xenia! Spring is around the corner and that excites me a bit ;)

Becky is a blast, it makes me feel so nostalgic reading her blogs in Myspace, those were good times, and she's been always one of my favourite bloggers. And she is happy of seeing my "fortitude" keeping up my blog.